Why and how can mom have a morning routine ?

Hey Mama,

Wanna know how to have an efficient morning routine?

I know what you are thinking : “MORNING ? ME ? NO WAY !!! I am not a morning person !”

How do I know ? Because I have never been a morning person, if I was getting up in the morning as a child, a teenager and a young adult, it is because I had to. Mom would wake me up for school, more school, for going to church etc. Then, as a young adult, I would get up early because I had work and a commute etc

Then in my late 20s, I started working like crazy, 8-hour shift as a Montessori assistant and 3-hour evening shift as a French Second Language teacher for adults and in between, I was trying to prep for my classes, dance, eat and work on my Masters… I know now it was too much but at the time, it seems like the only way I could have the lifestyle I wanted : buying clothes and shoes and go to France once or twice a year.

I started burning out. Like getting sick all the time, feeling exhausted like I could not give as much as I wanted to any of my students (the 4 years olds or the 40 years old). So in a desperate attempt to feel better, I googled : what to do to be efficient ? And I found many articles on the subject and one very common advice was: Get up early. So that’s when I started getting up early and have a great routine for myself that helped me being able to give to others, my students, my friends and I felt good and looked good too.

Fast forward 10 years, I am a mom of 2, business owner and all the efforts put in place before had gone the window. I was running on nerves, caffeine and hope for better, easier days. I would get up as late as possible to catch up on sleep and well, sometimes we do need it.

But, I felt, once again, burning out, doing, giving too much to my clients/students, my children, caring for the house, feeding everyone, worrying about debts and make end meets. I was the heaviest I had ever been, I was constantly exhausted and did not want to get up to do my work.

Then, I read a couple of books that reminded me what I had learnt in my late twenties : Getting up early is a component of successful people’s routine. It does not matter what you consider Success… it does work and it gives you more energy than you think. But what they had in mind was not necessarily adapted for a woman who is a mom ! So I tried many things and I created my own MAMA ROUTINE. It has great components like the basics:

• Quiet solitude

• Mind or spiritual practices

• Movement

• and more if you want to.

The secret sauce of my MAMA Routine : Flexibility, you do what works for you and leave the rest, if everything works for you, then great. No pressure. Just time for you, early in the morning before everyone else is up.

My hidden weapon is that I delegate this time of the day to my partner, he is in charge, I am not responsible if the children wake up, I do my thing. Because he knows that what I take on during the day as a full time mom and teacher, is A LOT. If I hear the children get up, my instinct wants to go see and be in charge but NO ! I have learnt to fight this and keep caring for my ME time.

The positive consequences of a morning routine ?

• Quiet time to start the day, wake gently, hear myself think
• Nervous system is more balanced to start the day
• My level of energy and patience is so much higher
• Movement is done, I don’t have to stress about it and my body is awake to handle the day and it keeps me strong
• It helps me put boundaries around myself – oh so important when you are a full-time mom
• It involves my partner in solo parenting time, it is good for him and his connection with our children.

So if you are interested in giving it a try, start small : Put on your alarm 15 mins earlier than usual and build from here to the amount of time you need to have a proper routine that works for you. Do not try to do it all too fast, it might lead to a feeling of failure… remember, it took me years to put it all together (and I have taken many classes on well-being).

Take your time. Trust that each season of life might need tweaks to your morning routine and that’s okay. You are doing great Mama !

Now if you want to get access to my MAMA routine, make sure you get my document on 5 ways to manage chaos and it is right there, waiting for you.

With Love,

Adeline

Mom in her 40s with low energy… what to do ?

Hello Mama,

are you in your 40s or even late 30s, your children are still quite little, they need you, your juggling a lot and before it seemed like you were doing alright and all of a sudden, your energy went down with no warning. Your sleep might not be the best but it seems alright but you wake up tired, you eat, it helps and then you crash and you lose your patience and you might even want to crawl back to bed because you have no energy.

I GET IT !!! This is what has been happening for the past 6 months or so: my sleep was decent, I eat fairly well, last Fall, I had covid and I had to stop working out, I could not even walk without breathing super hard… and I gained 10lbs in 6 weeks !!!! I was appalled, a little confused and really angry… what the heck was happening ? Between the anxiety that started last year and now that ?! Around Christmas, I got sick, again, my weight was not getting better and well, it was Christmas so there were cookies… iykyk !

So back in January, I started looking into what seems to be a start to perimenopause… it seems early right ? Well, yes and no.

Menopause is when you have been a full year (12 months) without any period (bleed) but prior to that menopause, there can be years of perimenopause.

It does not mean there is any change in your menstrual cycle (mine is healthy, regular, all is good there) yet but there are unspoken sneaky symptoms like random anxiety attacks, strange gain weight that seems to come out of nowhere, especially in the midsection, energy crash in the middle of the day when you seem to be getting some fresh air, sun, good food… I am not making this up… it is a whole new research interest : Perimenopause ! and it is about time that we have studies, research to support us and to speak LOUD about it so women can come together and find ways to feel better. When you are in your 40s (or late 30s) and these kinds of symptoms show up for no reason… then, there might be a chance your estrogen level is tanking and changes are happening whether we like it or not and if you happen to need all of your energy to survive the day but on top of it, you have young children (babies, toddlers, early elementary…) it might feel like you are going a little crazy, the thing, is: you are not crazy! I am not crazy and together and with the right specialists out there, we can learn how to be our new self and keep our life happy and healthy.

Disclaimer: I am not an OBGYN, a nutritionist or health professional but I have been looking into my health for years, I am not one for doing extreme diets, go all in or all out on anything, I like balance. Let me tell you it is not easy to remain balanced when these hormones seem to be playing jokes on you. What I know is based on my experience as a mom of 2, business owner and woman who is 42 and searches for what science and nutritionists have to say, I like Dr Mary Claire, she is an OBGYN who wrote The New Menopause and it has some great insight on those random perimenopause challenges.

Here is what I do to feel better as a mom in my 40s :

-I did not want to feel old but I had to agree that crazy cardio workouts were not making any difference in my weight, I was still gaining, maintaining but definitely not losing or feeling better, some workouts would even make me feel drained. So I had to switch for lower cardio exercise : walking, short running sessions, yoga, power yoga, primal movement and strength training are my jam now… nothing that is high impact and more than 30-40 mins – plus well, with young children, you might not have the time anyway.

-I eat so MUCH MORE PROTEIN: it is no joke, I thought I was eating enough honestly and then I kept seeing these articles and posts on hitting at least 100g of protein if not more per day – I even saw someone saying we should eat in grams, our weight in pounds so if you would be 140lbs, you should eat 140g of protein. I don’t know if this is real, safe or not… I think I need more research on it honestly but I looked into what I was eating and I was hardly eating 70g per day… so here I am, eating 100g per day as per many recommendations and you know what ? My energy is so much better !!!! Like crazy better. If I had known, I would have started earlier! I also make sure I eat fibers and plants from all colours for my microbiome (at least I do my best) and no, I did not go keto and suppressed carbs. First, I don’t think this is healthy for me to remove any food groups and when I tried, it led to binge eating so no thanks ! So I eat carbs, whole carbs when possible but I have to say that when you eat 100g of protein per day, you are not that hungry for crazy sugar/glucose loaded food anyway so there’s that.

-I have kept some great habits I have had for some time now like, mindful quiet solitude time in early morning (my MAMA routine is a good way to start, get it here for free), I get sunlight, movement, I hold boundaries when I am overstimulated etc

Honestly, I did not want to see my body change as early as my 40s, I always thought that the 50s were when things shift but I was wrong, I have many other women in my contacts who feel it too and well, while it might seem unfair that we have to go through another round of hardship on our body (after adolescence, pregnancies, postpartum etc), we have to face our reality and once thing will make it a little easier : going through this together, Mama !

If you feel like your life is just full of chaos, get my free checklist on 5 ways to manage the chaos.

Take care Mama, I believe in you.

With love,

Adeline

What do I do when I WORRY too much?

Hello Mama,

I know what is happening right now… you are worried about… well, everything ! Worrying is a common issue and it does happen to everybody. This feeling of losing control, a fear that we are going to forget something, a fear that something bad will happen jeopardizing our comfort and safety… Worrying, like stress, has its purpose though. We stress and worry, it makes our body and mind go on alert mode with its rush of adrenaline that can make us ACT, make decision right away, even protect us against harm. However, when we can’t do anything about it right away, it can eat us from the inside, it makes us foggy and stressed.

When we become moms, the worries multiply, because life is not just about us, our health, our body, our job, it is also about our child(ren)’s. Does it go away as you age? Well, my mom is 81 years old and she worries for me, a mom of 2, married, living 5000kms away… so I feel safe saying that the answer is No.

What is a safe amount of worry? I think that it becomes unsafe when it is obsessive, when it affects or stops us from eating, sleeping or do anything that is a basic human life need. It is also unhealthy, if it affects your mood, makes you snap at your loved ones, colleagues etc Then, your worries, your stress is too much and you need to do something about it.

What can I do? Well, first, if it becomes unsafe as per my last paragraph, you might want some help, maybe you have too much on your plate, the mental load is too heavy and you need to delegate some of your responsibilities, including some of the stuff you worry about. Can someone else take over once in a while? Can you hire someone to help you? I know many moms who are also entrepreneur hire VA (Virtual Assistant) to spare themselves some of the load for example. I, personally, put the load of my website on my professional programmer husband and I have someone coming to clean my house once per week because otherwise I could constantly worry about it, feel bad about having to clean instead of spending time with my children etc… There are many ways to delegate, you do what works for you. I was not always able to pay for someone to come every week, so when it was too much, I would ask my husband to take stuff over and make him in charge of these tasks, so I did not have to WORRY about it. That is mainly worrying on a mental load level.

My free checklist on managing chaos can also help you, get it here.

Now let’s talk about Worry Batching: It is about allotting a day and time for you to sit down and go through your list of worries. The things that are on you and can’t be delegated or pushed to next month.

How do I proceed ? When you worry and can’t act on the worry right away: write it down. As you worry throughout the week, keep writing down your worries on this list. When you write it down, tell yourself: “I will not worry about this right now, it is on the list”. When it is time for worry batch day, take the list, sit with it and read through.

First, take away the things you are already not worried about anymore (because it was not that important, or it is already taken care of). Then, take one worry at a time and decide what to do about it, how can you be active, proactive, reactive? and what needs to be done ? Stop postponing if there is no reason for postponing… You would fall into the perfectionist or anxious procrastination (I know that very well!).

Take action, make this appointment you need to make, send that email, fill up this form and send it, pray, meditate, go visit your loved one… whatever you are worrying about, there is a possible answer for you to feel better about it.

Trust me, I know the feeling so well, I have worried so much I would make myself sick (we are talking anxiety attacks), I would procrastinate, and things would not get done, leading to a feeling of failure and self-resentment. Is it scary? Yes, it is. Fear and worry can paralyze you. Don’t let it get to you. Talk about it, get the support you need, delegate and use worry batch… it will help you on a daily basis.

With love,

Adeline

Toy Rotation to manage chaos

Hello Mama, today we are going to explore the world of toy rotation aka, less toy clutter. What we want is to NOT have all the toys out at all times because it creates a major physical chaos in our home and usually means we cannot tackle the mess; it is overwhelming and makes us and our children more dysregulated.

This feeling of our life being chaotic or like we live in chaos, is quite common. We do live in a society that promotes busy-ness, doing it all, having more (money, furniture, clothing and toys). However, if you look around at what psychologists, therapists, coaches say, it seems like decluttering is the way to go to feel better and less overwhelmed. Clutter can be material or mental. I address all of this in episode 73 of my podcast about Chaos. One aspect of material chaos is often the amount of stuff (clothing and toys especially when it comes to children) and while I recommend you read Denaye Barahona’s book on minimalism for Families, I am going to give you an easy trick that might make you and your family feel better : ROTATE YOUR TOYS.

TOY ROTATION What does it mean ? It means that you can keep toys that you believe will still be used but you don’t have to have them all out at all times. The goal is to not have all the toys you own available to your child(ren); you only have a few out. Or put in a positive sentence : you only have available what is necessary for the child’s development and interest. It seems simple doesn’t it ? and it is.

HOW TO PROCEED

Organization Take a deep breath first, get all the toys out and organize them either by age, developmental phase or theme (building toys, art, costume etc). The system you put in place to organize your toys is up to you, it needs to make sense to you to find them when they will be needed. While you do this (re-)organization, you will and need to declutter : anything broken or incomplete needs to go in recycling/garbage, if your youngest and last child is 3, ask yourself if you need to keep the baby toys or if they could be used by a friend or be donated (I understand if you keep some family heirloom). What is to be kept goes in your organization system and you store everything in clear bins, labelled with what is in it – so it is easy to retrieve. If you need help decluttering and making decisions, hire professional help, here in Halifax, NS, Natalia at Daz design can be booked to help you, she even has systems she can help you put in place.

Away from your child These clear bins you have organized need to be stored away from your child, the goal is for you only to have access to it whenever you decide to get some toys out. You might have an attic, a crawl space (like us), a basement, a closet… as long as the children can’t access it but you can, you store wherever you have the space.

For the child Our children need spaces that are not covered in toys, cluttered with things they cannot handle cleaning up. My law is: if you find it overwhelming to tidy up, your child feels it even more. The only way you can have your child on board with cleaning up is to have shelves, or a storage system in their toy room, bedroom, living room (wherever they play), that has no more than 6 to 8 activities available (for one child- for more children, then you will have slightly more). What is available for them to play with is : -what is developmentally appropriate -what they are interested in, -what can promote focus and/or creativity and imagination. Depending on the space you have, maybe you have an art corner, a building corner, a movement space… it is up to you and what your child(ren) needs.

Note on Perfectionism If you start having thoughts about things looking perfect at all time, consider reflecting on why you want it this way. Life is not perfect, it is beautifully messy. Messy does not mean overstimulating which is why a toy rotation system helps.

When is it time to rotate ? When your children don’t seem interested in certain toys and they have not been used in at least a week or so, time to take these away to their bins in the adult only space and replace by something more stimulating and interesting. You remove what is not being used and get out what could be of interest to your child. Once you will have this system in place, you will see it feels less chaotic.

Tips on tidying up I am going to leave you with a great tip : when your child does not tidy up and refuses to do so, instead of heading into a power struggle war, offer to do it together while you listen to their favourite song. Ask which toys they want to clean up and which one you should do and power through together as you sing along. It is a great way to connect and way less stressful for everyone.

With love,

Adeline

For more on organization for busy homes, follow my friend Kelly @simplehomemom on insta or on substack, she is a great writer too.

Welcome to Oh Mama blog !

My name is Adeline and I am the founder of Oh Mama ! I am also a mom of 2, homeschooler, Montessori teacher and Matrescence educator (to put it simply, I help moms).

I have spent most of my life, from a young age, playing teacher or being a teacher and since I had my son, in 2021, I have become passionate about supporting mothers in this amazing and also crazy chapter our our life : Motherhood.

While I homeschool my children, I still get to teach amazing toddlers every morning and I can support mothers and raise my family as well. I will be honest, I can't do it all and the secret is: I should not have to, and you should not either. I have help - It is hard asking for help but if there is one thing great about motherhood is that, it humbles you and makes you realize our society has it all wrong: We are not meant to do it all alone.

Which help do I get ?

I have an amazing husband who is a fully involved parent - as it should be. I also have a great girl who comes and help us keep the house tidy and clean, once per week.

I also have the help of my morning routine which is strong and keeps me sane. It took me years to make it a great routine and now I am finally myself while still being a homeschooler and a working mom.

This blog is for you to find tips on mothering and matrescence (I will explain soon what matrescence is and if you can't wait, head to episode 14 of my podcast: Understanding Mother Stories.

I will talk to you soon Mama. With love,

Adeline

PS : I am also training to be a postpartum doula, I really looove supporting new moms and we need to stick together and show up for each other. I've got you Mama !