Why are moms so disconnected ?

In my last article, I wrote about moms needing connection because they feel lonely even if they are never really alone. They might be surrounded by children, colleagues, friends but they still feel lonely in motherhood. I was hence talking about a need for real connection with people we can be open with, other mothers or just people who can hold space for us, as mothers. So why does it feel like moms are more isolated than ever ? less supported than before ? While I can’t write a 10 page long essay on the subject, I have gathered 2 big points that keep coming up in conversations and on social media :

Technology

Don’t throw rocks at me yet… please. We all have some kind of love and hate relationship with technology. We know being behind a screen has negative tendencies. Beyond the fact that our eyes take a hit and we can get brain foggy… It is the use of technology that can represent a major ambivalent question: through the use of tech, the internet especially, we can make new connections we would never have had in real life, we can find mom groups we might relate to, that can potentially support us. I am not denying any of this, I have myself met really cool people online, moms I can support and moms who supported and validated things for me. Now… if that is a good use of technology. Since social media has taken over the world, we spend so much more time doomscrolling than ever. What does this mean for us as moms ? Less time spent on self-care (no, doomscrolling is not serving you, despite what you might feel like at times), less time spent with our children and partner, family, less time doing stuff that need to be done and I could go on. It has become so much more easier to hide behind our screen and fill our brain with images and mantras and it stops us from moving our body so we can see the sun and meet real people. And while I’d love for other people to come meet my needs and not have to do anything in return (yeah, it happens, we are tired moms!), the reality is: if we want real connection we need to make an effort, get out of the house and meet people we can talk to, hug (hello oxytocin!) and maybe even have a nice proper snack or meal in the process. I am not saying this with judgement: I am a mom with no village, I have done this more than enough to know, it has affected me. It has made me feel isolated (or should I say, I isolated myself even more). I know we are tired but there is a difference between protecting our peace (maybe even enjoy slow living) and becoming potato couch because going out might involve taking a shower, getting dressed, pack the kids etc The problem is, we can’t have support or develop friendship unless we work for it a little.

Our village is busier than ever

So you and me feel like we are busy and we might even feel like others should support us (another subject for another time: we do deserve to share the load with a co-parent at a minimum), however, if we look at families and communities as they used to be, what was it like?

Grandparents, aunts, cousins visiting each other, helping out, pitching in, cooking meals for one another… So what happened ? Well, this is a society challenge : life is busier which means, grandparents are not available to support their children when they become parents, they might still be working, they have a busy life and family has become a bit less important as individualism has increased. Same with everyone around us: they have lives and we are not a priority so if we want to have a talk, if we want support, we need to ask for it.

While I agree that we need to get off our couch to find our village and ask for support, I also feel like we are missing some amazing family, community moments by focusing on our individual only. I believe it is about finding the balance that works for you, protect your peace, being around people that uplift you and also being of service to others. You never know, sometimes they might be there for you too. It is a complex subject because all these changes the last couple of generations have gone through that created these feelings of isolation also show a lot of progress : technology has created amazing new opportunities and women being able to work and earn money is also major progress (and let’s remember some countries still don’t have this opportunity).

Solution

I don’t believe there is a one-size-fits-all answer. Each mom has specific needs. I really believe that new moms, in postpartum, with very young children need to be supported by the people around them. Feeling isolated can lead to postpartum depression and further down the road to a late postnatal depression or other mental health issues so I DO think we deserve to be helped without having to beg. That being said, part of living in this world that is more individualistic, we have to go the extra mile to keep the post-natal momentum going.

I believe this is why postpartum doulas have become so important nowadays. My love for supporting moms comes from knowing how to feels to have no one but Google answer your questions without shaming you.

Postpartum doulas for the win.

With love,

Adeline

PS: If you are a mom in need of doula-ing for you and your family in Halifax, or you know a mom-to-be, reach out, I might have a special offer for you.

Why do moms feel lonely ?

Have you ever thought or felt … ? “I wish I could go out for even 30 mins” “I wish I would have friends to share my feelings with” “I want to get out of the house but there is so much to do here and I don’t want to leave the kids behind” “I wish I could have someone to talk to “… All these scenario or a version of it are refereeing to a mother feeing lonely.

Lonely does not mean alone!

Let’s make sure we know the difference between the meaning of “alone” versus “lonely”.

“Alone” means having no one else present. Let’s be honest here, a mom is rarely alone because she is often surrounded by her child(ren). She might even live with a partner or some family and despite this, she feels lonely.

“Lonely” means sad because one has no friends or company. In the word lonely, we have more of a feeling than a physical lack of someone else’s presence.

A mother can be surrounded all day long by her children or even have a partner but she feels lonely because she has no one to share her feelings, her day with, she does not have someone to hold space for her.

This is a huge issue in our modern motherhood, we lack basics like someone or a group of people who we can talk to, share our day with, our feelings with and maybe the right people are people who understand our reality or share this reality, like other mothers, other parents.

In what I hear, read from certain moms is the feeling of loneliness even if they have a partner, a family close by, they might even have a career and talk with colleagues all day but in their identity and role as mothers, they feel lonely. They feel sad and they have no one they trust to hold space for them instead they might have people who constantly judge them, criticize them or try to fix them.

Sometimes all we need is someone to listen !

It is not always easy to find the girl friends or other family members that are here for us to support us emotionally, psychologically in the shift we got through as we enter matrescence. Matrescence is this huge transition we go through as we become mothers. While some declare it lasts a couple of years, I would argue, and I am not the only one, that it lasts for life and as life goes by we go through different seasons of our matrescence.

What does a mother need?

She needs connection. She needs to feel safe when she talks about her day, about her feelings. We all know that motherhood is a tough act to pull off and we can’t pull it off on our own with no support, physically and emotionally. We need to find groups of moms, a community that respects us and can hold us (and we can also support them) in listening to each other, in not judging each other.

Unfortunately, nowadays, it seems like we have to work for finding the right people to be our space holders. We don’t live in communities like before so the chances to find the right people are smaller. But don’t despair.

Every time I go to a circle or facilitate one, I feel this sense of camaraderie. No fixing, no real judgement, just hand holding or should I say emotional holding. Maybe you have a circle facilitator around you that can give you this opportunity to be with other mothers and leaves you with a sense of togetherness. If you live in Halifax and surroundings, come talk to me on instagram and we can set one up soon.

In the end, this is all we need. We are in this together.

With Love, Adeline

PS: For more on Matrescence, listen to episode 14 of Understanding Mothers stories podcast

Pushing Our Limits for a Greater Cause

Today, I’m sharing how a charity project meant to help others is also pushing me to go beyond my personal limits. It’s a beautiful example of how supporting a good cause can help us reach goals we might not have thought possible. And this spring, I’m going to do that!

A Cause Close to My Heart

This spring, I’ll be supporting the Million Reasons Run, a fundraising initiative that helps children’s hospitals across Canada. The funds raised go towards supporting medical research, treatments, and other essential services for children in need. For me, this cause hits especially close to home. I live in Halifax, Nova Scotia, and I gave birth at the IWK Health Centre, which is where many local children receive care. The IWK is also involved in vital research, particularly around children’s cancer treatment. It’s a cause that has always meant a lot to me, and I want to do my part to support the hospital and its incredible work.

Managing Asthma and Setting New Goals

Now, you might be wondering, why am I talking about asthma in an article about charity? Well, it’s because my personal journey is tied to this cause in a very meaningful way.

I’ve lived with asthma since I was 8 years old. As a child growing up in the 80s, I was often told to avoid activities that might trigger my asthma, particularly anything involving endurance or high-cardio exercises. I was the girl who couldn’t do what the other kids were doing, and it felt isolating at times. It wasn’t until my late 30s (and now my 40s) that I truly understood how to manage asthma in a healthy and sustainable way. Today, I know that I can exercise and build endurance—if I do it slowly, in small steps, and with awareness of my body’s limits. With the right medication and gradual training, I can push my limits and improve my cardio. So, this spring, as part of my support for the Million Reasons Run, I’ll be running in May to raise funds for the IWK.

Running for a Cause

Yes, you read that right—I’ll be running! I’m setting a personal goal of running 100 kilometers over the 31 days of May. While this may seem like a small goal for some, given my asthma and the fact that I’ve never been a long-distance runner, this will be a big challenge for me. I’ve set up a fundraising page with a target of $1,000 for the IWK, and I’m slowly working my way up to the 100km goal. I’m starting with baby steps, as I always have, gradually increasing my distance and training my body and mind for what’s coming.

But it’s not just about running—it’s about supporting the community and showing my children the importance of giving back. This cause is bigger than me; it’s about helping children who are facing serious health challenges, and I want my kids to see that when we come together as a community, we can make a real difference.

How You Can Get Involved

If you’d like to support my fundraising efforts, you can donate directly to the Million Reasons Run through my fundraising page. Every dollar counts, and I would appreciate any encouragement you can offer as I take on this challenge. Shoot me a message on insta or email me adeline@ohmama.ca is also a great way to support my challenge.

Maybe you’re inspired to join me, too! If you're local to Halifax, you can be a part of my team, or you can create your own fundraising group and run with us. The goal is to raise as much as we can for children’s hospitals across Canada and to show up for a cause that matters. I also encourage you to think about a cause or charity that speaks to you. Whether it’s running, donating, or simply spreading the word, there are so many ways to get involved. Our children are watching us, and we have the power to model the importance of community, giving back, and pushing our limits for something bigger than ourselves.

A Final Thought for you Mama

Don’t forget there are many ways to push your limits. It’s not about taking away from your family or well-being, but rather about showing up for something bigger than ourselves. What cause can you support today in any way that works for you ?

With Love,

Adeline

Why and how can mom have a morning routine ?

Hey Mama,

Wanna know how to have an efficient morning routine?

I know what you are thinking : “MORNING ? ME ? NO WAY !!! I am not a morning person !”

How do I know ? Because I have never been a morning person, if I was getting up in the morning as a child, a teenager and a young adult, it is because I had to. Mom would wake me up for school, more school, for going to church etc. Then, as a young adult, I would get up early because I had work and a commute etc

Then in my late 20s, I started working like crazy, 8-hour shift as a Montessori assistant and 3-hour evening shift as a French Second Language teacher for adults and in between, I was trying to prep for my classes, dance, eat and work on my Masters… I know now it was too much but at the time, it seems like the only way I could have the lifestyle I wanted : buying clothes and shoes and go to France once or twice a year.

I started burning out. Like getting sick all the time, feeling exhausted like I could not give as much as I wanted to any of my students (the 4 years olds or the 40 years old). So in a desperate attempt to feel better, I googled : what to do to be efficient ? And I found many articles on the subject and one very common advice was: Get up early. So that’s when I started getting up early and have a great routine for myself that helped me being able to give to others, my students, my friends and I felt good and looked good too.

Fast forward 10 years, I am a mom of 2, business owner and all the efforts put in place before had gone the window. I was running on nerves, caffeine and hope for better, easier days. I would get up as late as possible to catch up on sleep and well, sometimes we do need it.

But, I felt, once again, burning out, doing, giving too much to my clients/students, my children, caring for the house, feeding everyone, worrying about debts and make end meets. I was the heaviest I had ever been, I was constantly exhausted and did not want to get up to do my work.

Then, I read a couple of books that reminded me what I had learnt in my late twenties : Getting up early is a component of successful people’s routine. It does not matter what you consider Success… it does work and it gives you more energy than you think. But what they had in mind was not necessarily adapted for a woman who is a mom ! So I tried many things and I created my own MAMA ROUTINE. It has great components like the basics:

• Quiet solitude

• Mind or spiritual practices

• Movement

• and more if you want to.

The secret sauce of my MAMA Routine : Flexibility, you do what works for you and leave the rest, if everything works for you, then great. No pressure. Just time for you, early in the morning before everyone else is up.

My hidden weapon is that I delegate this time of the day to my partner, he is in charge, I am not responsible if the children wake up, I do my thing. Because he knows that what I take on during the day as a full time mom and teacher, is A LOT. If I hear the children get up, my instinct wants to go see and be in charge but NO ! I have learnt to fight this and keep caring for my ME time.

The positive consequences of a morning routine ?

• Quiet time to start the day, wake gently, hear myself think
• Nervous system is more balanced to start the day
• My level of energy and patience is so much higher
• Movement is done, I don’t have to stress about it and my body is awake to handle the day and it keeps me strong
• It helps me put boundaries around myself – oh so important when you are a full-time mom
• It involves my partner in solo parenting time, it is good for him and his connection with our children.

So if you are interested in giving it a try, start small : Put on your alarm 15 mins earlier than usual and build from here to the amount of time you need to have a proper routine that works for you. Do not try to do it all too fast, it might lead to a feeling of failure… remember, it took me years to put it all together (and I have taken many classes on well-being).

Take your time. Trust that each season of life might need tweaks to your morning routine and that’s okay. You are doing great Mama !

Now if you want to get access to my MAMA routine, make sure you get my document on 5 ways to manage chaos and it is right there, waiting for you.

With Love,

Adeline

Mom in her 40s with low energy… what to do ?

Hello Mama,

are you in your 40s or even late 30s, your children are still quite little, they need you, your juggling a lot and before it seemed like you were doing alright and all of a sudden, your energy went down with no warning. Your sleep might not be the best but it seems alright but you wake up tired, you eat, it helps and then you crash and you lose your patience and you might even want to crawl back to bed because you have no energy.

I GET IT !!! This is what has been happening for the past 6 months or so: my sleep was decent, I eat fairly well, last Fall, I had covid and I had to stop working out, I could not even walk without breathing super hard… and I gained 10lbs in 6 weeks !!!! I was appalled, a little confused and really angry… what the heck was happening ? Between the anxiety that started last year and now that ?! Around Christmas, I got sick, again, my weight was not getting better and well, it was Christmas so there were cookies… iykyk !

So back in January, I started looking into what seems to be a start to perimenopause… it seems early right ? Well, yes and no.

Menopause is when you have been a full year (12 months) without any period (bleed) but prior to that menopause, there can be years of perimenopause.

It does not mean there is any change in your menstrual cycle (mine is healthy, regular, all is good there) yet but there are unspoken sneaky symptoms like random anxiety attacks, strange gain weight that seems to come out of nowhere, especially in the midsection, energy crash in the middle of the day when you seem to be getting some fresh air, sun, good food… I am not making this up… it is a whole new research interest : Perimenopause ! and it is about time that we have studies, research to support us and to speak LOUD about it so women can come together and find ways to feel better. When you are in your 40s (or late 30s) and these kinds of symptoms show up for no reason… then, there might be a chance your estrogen level is tanking and changes are happening whether we like it or not and if you happen to need all of your energy to survive the day but on top of it, you have young children (babies, toddlers, early elementary…) it might feel like you are going a little crazy, the thing, is: you are not crazy! I am not crazy and together and with the right specialists out there, we can learn how to be our new self and keep our life happy and healthy.

Disclaimer: I am not an OBGYN, a nutritionist or health professional but I have been looking into my health for years, I am not one for doing extreme diets, go all in or all out on anything, I like balance. Let me tell you it is not easy to remain balanced when these hormones seem to be playing jokes on you. What I know is based on my experience as a mom of 2, business owner and woman who is 42 and searches for what science and nutritionists have to say, I like Dr Mary Claire, she is an OBGYN who wrote The New Menopause and it has some great insight on those random perimenopause challenges.

Here is what I do to feel better as a mom in my 40s :

-I did not want to feel old but I had to agree that crazy cardio workouts were not making any difference in my weight, I was still gaining, maintaining but definitely not losing or feeling better, some workouts would even make me feel drained. So I had to switch for lower cardio exercise : walking, short running sessions, yoga, power yoga, primal movement and strength training are my jam now… nothing that is high impact and more than 30-40 mins – plus well, with young children, you might not have the time anyway.

-I eat so MUCH MORE PROTEIN: it is no joke, I thought I was eating enough honestly and then I kept seeing these articles and posts on hitting at least 100g of protein if not more per day – I even saw someone saying we should eat in grams, our weight in pounds so if you would be 140lbs, you should eat 140g of protein. I don’t know if this is real, safe or not… I think I need more research on it honestly but I looked into what I was eating and I was hardly eating 70g per day… so here I am, eating 100g per day as per many recommendations and you know what ? My energy is so much better !!!! Like crazy better. If I had known, I would have started earlier! I also make sure I eat fibers and plants from all colours for my microbiome (at least I do my best) and no, I did not go keto and suppressed carbs. First, I don’t think this is healthy for me to remove any food groups and when I tried, it led to binge eating so no thanks ! So I eat carbs, whole carbs when possible but I have to say that when you eat 100g of protein per day, you are not that hungry for crazy sugar/glucose loaded food anyway so there’s that.

-I have kept some great habits I have had for some time now like, mindful quiet solitude time in early morning (my MAMA routine is a good way to start, get it here for free), I get sunlight, movement, I hold boundaries when I am overstimulated etc

Honestly, I did not want to see my body change as early as my 40s, I always thought that the 50s were when things shift but I was wrong, I have many other women in my contacts who feel it too and well, while it might seem unfair that we have to go through another round of hardship on our body (after adolescence, pregnancies, postpartum etc), we have to face our reality and once thing will make it a little easier : going through this together, Mama !

If you feel like your life is just full of chaos, get my free checklist on 5 ways to manage the chaos.

Take care Mama, I believe in you.

With love,

Adeline