What do I do when I WORRY too much?

Hello Mama,

I know what is happening right now… you are worried about… well, everything ! Worrying is a common issue and it does happen to everybody. This feeling of losing control, a fear that we are going to forget something, a fear that something bad will happen jeopardizing our comfort and safety… Worrying, like stress, has its purpose though. We stress and worry, it makes our body and mind go on alert mode with its rush of adrenaline that can make us ACT, make decision right away, even protect us against harm. However, when we can’t do anything about it right away, it can eat us from the inside, it makes us foggy and stressed.

When we become moms, the worries multiply, because life is not just about us, our health, our body, our job, it is also about our child(ren)’s. Does it go away as you age? Well, my mom is 81 years old and she worries for me, a mom of 2, married, living 5000kms away… so I feel safe saying that the answer is No.

What is a safe amount of worry? I think that it becomes unsafe when it is obsessive, when it affects or stops us from eating, sleeping or do anything that is a basic human life need. It is also unhealthy, if it affects your mood, makes you snap at your loved ones, colleagues etc Then, your worries, your stress is too much and you need to do something about it.

What can I do? Well, first, if it becomes unsafe as per my last paragraph, you might want some help, maybe you have too much on your plate, the mental load is too heavy and you need to delegate some of your responsibilities, including some of the stuff you worry about. Can someone else take over once in a while? Can you hire someone to help you? I know many moms who are also entrepreneur hire VA (Virtual Assistant) to spare themselves some of the load for example. I, personally, put the load of my website on my professional programmer husband and I have someone coming to clean my house once per week because otherwise I could constantly worry about it, feel bad about having to clean instead of spending time with my children etc… There are many ways to delegate, you do what works for you. I was not always able to pay for someone to come every week, so when it was too much, I would ask my husband to take stuff over and make him in charge of these tasks, so I did not have to WORRY about it. That is mainly worrying on a mental load level.

My free checklist on managing chaos can also help you, get it here.

Now let’s talk about Worry Batching: It is about allotting a day and time for you to sit down and go through your list of worries. The things that are on you and can’t be delegated or pushed to next month.

How do I proceed ? When you worry and can’t act on the worry right away: write it down. As you worry throughout the week, keep writing down your worries on this list. When you write it down, tell yourself: “I will not worry about this right now, it is on the list”. When it is time for worry batch day, take the list, sit with it and read through.

First, take away the things you are already not worried about anymore (because it was not that important, or it is already taken care of). Then, take one worry at a time and decide what to do about it, how can you be active, proactive, reactive? and what needs to be done ? Stop postponing if there is no reason for postponing… You would fall into the perfectionist or anxious procrastination (I know that very well!).

Take action, make this appointment you need to make, send that email, fill up this form and send it, pray, meditate, go visit your loved one… whatever you are worrying about, there is a possible answer for you to feel better about it.

Trust me, I know the feeling so well, I have worried so much I would make myself sick (we are talking anxiety attacks), I would procrastinate, and things would not get done, leading to a feeling of failure and self-resentment. Is it scary? Yes, it is. Fear and worry can paralyze you. Don’t let it get to you. Talk about it, get the support you need, delegate and use worry batch… it will help you on a daily basis.

With love,

Adeline