What do I do when I WORRY too much?

Hello Mama,

I know what is happening right now… you are worried about… well, everything ! Worrying is a common issue and it does happen to everybody. This feeling of losing control, a fear that we are going to forget something, a fear that something bad will happen jeopardizing our comfort and safety… Worrying, like stress, has its purpose though. We stress and worry, it makes our body and mind go on alert mode with its rush of adrenaline that can make us ACT, make decision right away, even protect us against harm. However, when we can’t do anything about it right away, it can eat us from the inside, it makes us foggy and stressed.

When we become moms, the worries multiply, because life is not just about us, our health, our body, our job, it is also about our child(ren)’s. Does it go away as you age? Well, my mom is 81 years old and she worries for me, a mom of 2, married, living 5000kms away… so I feel safe saying that the answer is No.

What is a safe amount of worry? I think that it becomes unsafe when it is obsessive, when it affects or stops us from eating, sleeping or do anything that is a basic human life need. It is also unhealthy, if it affects your mood, makes you snap at your loved ones, colleagues etc Then, your worries, your stress is too much and you need to do something about it.

What can I do? Well, first, if it becomes unsafe as per my last paragraph, you might want some help, maybe you have too much on your plate, the mental load is too heavy and you need to delegate some of your responsibilities, including some of the stuff you worry about. Can someone else take over once in a while? Can you hire someone to help you? I know many moms who are also entrepreneur hire VA (Virtual Assistant) to spare themselves some of the load for example. I, personally, put the load of my website on my professional programmer husband and I have someone coming to clean my house once per week because otherwise I could constantly worry about it, feel bad about having to clean instead of spending time with my children etc… There are many ways to delegate, you do what works for you. I was not always able to pay for someone to come every week, so when it was too much, I would ask my husband to take stuff over and make him in charge of these tasks, so I did not have to WORRY about it. That is mainly worrying on a mental load level.

My free checklist on managing chaos can also help you, get it here.

Now let’s talk about Worry Batching: It is about allotting a day and time for you to sit down and go through your list of worries. The things that are on you and can’t be delegated or pushed to next month.

How do I proceed ? When you worry and can’t act on the worry right away: write it down. As you worry throughout the week, keep writing down your worries on this list. When you write it down, tell yourself: “I will not worry about this right now, it is on the list”. When it is time for worry batch day, take the list, sit with it and read through.

First, take away the things you are already not worried about anymore (because it was not that important, or it is already taken care of). Then, take one worry at a time and decide what to do about it, how can you be active, proactive, reactive? and what needs to be done ? Stop postponing if there is no reason for postponing… You would fall into the perfectionist or anxious procrastination (I know that very well!).

Take action, make this appointment you need to make, send that email, fill up this form and send it, pray, meditate, go visit your loved one… whatever you are worrying about, there is a possible answer for you to feel better about it.

Trust me, I know the feeling so well, I have worried so much I would make myself sick (we are talking anxiety attacks), I would procrastinate, and things would not get done, leading to a feeling of failure and self-resentment. Is it scary? Yes, it is. Fear and worry can paralyze you. Don’t let it get to you. Talk about it, get the support you need, delegate and use worry batch… it will help you on a daily basis.

With love,

Adeline

Toy Rotation to manage chaos

Hello Mama, today we are going to explore the world of toy rotation aka, less toy clutter. What we want is to NOT have all the toys out at all times because it creates a major physical chaos in our home and usually means we cannot tackle the mess; it is overwhelming and makes us and our children more dysregulated.

This feeling of our life being chaotic or like we live in chaos, is quite common. We do live in a society that promotes busy-ness, doing it all, having more (money, furniture, clothing and toys). However, if you look around at what psychologists, therapists, coaches say, it seems like decluttering is the way to go to feel better and less overwhelmed. Clutter can be material or mental. I address all of this in episode 73 of my podcast about Chaos. One aspect of material chaos is often the amount of stuff (clothing and toys especially when it comes to children) and while I recommend you read Denaye Barahona’s book on minimalism for Families, I am going to give you an easy trick that might make you and your family feel better : ROTATE YOUR TOYS.

TOY ROTATION What does it mean ? It means that you can keep toys that you believe will still be used but you don’t have to have them all out at all times. The goal is to not have all the toys you own available to your child(ren); you only have a few out. Or put in a positive sentence : you only have available what is necessary for the child’s development and interest. It seems simple doesn’t it ? and it is.

HOW TO PROCEED

Organization Take a deep breath first, get all the toys out and organize them either by age, developmental phase or theme (building toys, art, costume etc). The system you put in place to organize your toys is up to you, it needs to make sense to you to find them when they will be needed. While you do this (re-)organization, you will and need to declutter : anything broken or incomplete needs to go in recycling/garbage, if your youngest and last child is 3, ask yourself if you need to keep the baby toys or if they could be used by a friend or be donated (I understand if you keep some family heirloom). What is to be kept goes in your organization system and you store everything in clear bins, labelled with what is in it – so it is easy to retrieve. If you need help decluttering and making decisions, hire professional help, here in Halifax, NS, Natalia at Daz design can be booked to help you, she even has systems she can help you put in place.

Away from your child These clear bins you have organized need to be stored away from your child, the goal is for you only to have access to it whenever you decide to get some toys out. You might have an attic, a crawl space (like us), a basement, a closet… as long as the children can’t access it but you can, you store wherever you have the space.

For the child Our children need spaces that are not covered in toys, cluttered with things they cannot handle cleaning up. My law is: if you find it overwhelming to tidy up, your child feels it even more. The only way you can have your child on board with cleaning up is to have shelves, or a storage system in their toy room, bedroom, living room (wherever they play), that has no more than 6 to 8 activities available (for one child- for more children, then you will have slightly more). What is available for them to play with is : -what is developmentally appropriate -what they are interested in, -what can promote focus and/or creativity and imagination. Depending on the space you have, maybe you have an art corner, a building corner, a movement space… it is up to you and what your child(ren) needs.

Note on Perfectionism If you start having thoughts about things looking perfect at all time, consider reflecting on why you want it this way. Life is not perfect, it is beautifully messy. Messy does not mean overstimulating which is why a toy rotation system helps.

When is it time to rotate ? When your children don’t seem interested in certain toys and they have not been used in at least a week or so, time to take these away to their bins in the adult only space and replace by something more stimulating and interesting. You remove what is not being used and get out what could be of interest to your child. Once you will have this system in place, you will see it feels less chaotic.

Tips on tidying up I am going to leave you with a great tip : when your child does not tidy up and refuses to do so, instead of heading into a power struggle war, offer to do it together while you listen to their favourite song. Ask which toys they want to clean up and which one you should do and power through together as you sing along. It is a great way to connect and way less stressful for everyone.

With love,

Adeline

For more on organization for busy homes, follow my friend Kelly @simplehomemom on insta or on substack, she is a great writer too.

Welcome to Oh Mama blog !

My name is Adeline and I am the founder of Oh Mama ! I am also a mom of 2, homeschooler, Montessori teacher and Matrescence educator (to put it simply, I help moms).

I have spent most of my life, from a young age, playing teacher or being a teacher and since I had my son, in 2021, I have become passionate about supporting mothers in this amazing and also crazy chapter our our life : Motherhood.

While I homeschool my children, I still get to teach amazing toddlers every morning and I can support mothers and raise my family as well. I will be honest, I can't do it all and the secret is: I should not have to, and you should not either. I have help - It is hard asking for help but if there is one thing great about motherhood is that, it humbles you and makes you realize our society has it all wrong: We are not meant to do it all alone.

Which help do I get ?

I have an amazing husband who is a fully involved parent - as it should be. I also have a great girl who comes and help us keep the house tidy and clean, once per week.

I also have the help of my morning routine which is strong and keeps me sane. It took me years to make it a great routine and now I am finally myself while still being a homeschooler and a working mom.

This blog is for you to find tips on mothering and matrescence (I will explain soon what matrescence is and if you can't wait, head to episode 14 of my podcast: Understanding Mother Stories.

I will talk to you soon Mama. With love,

Adeline

PS : I am also training to be a postpartum doula, I really looove supporting new moms and we need to stick together and show up for each other. I've got you Mama !